A look into my thoughts

Child killer kills himself

2012-01-21T21:34:00.000-08:00

On a previous blog I talked about a 7 year old girl by the name of Jorelys Rivera brutal murder. The police conducted a search for her, with neighbors, and even the killer himself helping to find her! The killer wrote on a Mcdonald's receipt that "she's in the trashcan." The police moved the neighborhood dumpster to a landfill where they began to search for little Jorelys body, and sure enough, they found her.

As a parent, this like this just makes my heart hurt. It makes my blood boil. An innocent child's life and virginity taken away by some sick, deranged and heartless dog. In my eyes, children are innocent. Even the "bad ones".. they pick up on what they see. They don't know right from wrong if you don't teach it to them.. Jorelys was an innocent child, whose life was taken away.

The child killer, Ryan Brunn who was 20 years old didn't get to go to trial. He pled guilty and wanted life without parole, had it gone to trial.. of course he would have gotten the death penalty, he knew this.. and if you asked me, he deserved that and more.

The details surrounding the case were just gruesome! He took a picture of a skate Jorelys lost and asked if it was hers, she said yes..and he lured her to a vacant apartment building where he told her to remove her clothes and get in the tub.

When she asked if she could go home after, he said yes. Sadly, she never went home. Afraid she would tell on him, he cut her throat and beat her repeatedly over the head with the skate. As a mother, at that moment in the court room I truly think I would have lost it.. and it would have taken the whole court room to get me off of him. The guard looked DISGUSTED at him..2 days later, they said that Brunn committed suicide by hanging himself with a sweatshirt..

Righttt...I don't believe that for 5 minutes. What I do believe is, it was an inside job, and polices did the honors. If he truly had intentions on killing himself,why not prolong the case by opting to go to trial where, let's face it, he would have gotten more than life without parole, he would've gotten the death penalty.

Do I feel sorry that he's gone? While death is something you don't WISH on anyone, and it's definitely something I don't wish on, I don't feel sympathy that he is. True enough, yes we all sin.. and no sin outweighs another..but when you MURDER.. you then try to take on God's role.. who is the only one that has the right to give life, and take away life. No one else should have a say so on when a person leaves this earth BUT him. Does this make HIS killer justified? Nope, but karma is real. Don't play with it. Too many times people think they can selfishly take away a persons life, not thinking of what consequences would and SHOULD follow.

Forgive/Forget

2012-01-14T14:49:00.000-08:00

I never understood why people say "I forgive but I won't forget"

My take on that is that, if you can't move past it (forget it), you can't truly forgive.

What are your thoughts on this?

I'm thinking, naturally, anytime something happens and of course it's hurtful, you will probably never forget it and in the back of your mind you will probably feel like this person has done this before, they probably will again.

It's my understanding that forgiveness means, what ever happened, happened and you chose to look past it now and that although you don't necessarily have to still remain friends or whatever else with this person but you chose to look past it never bringing it up again. Holding onto something (not forgetting) signifies there's still animosity there and that it's something you can't get over, thus, you don't REALLY forgive this person. But again, what are your thoughts on this? I'm a deep thinker at times, and probably really ain't THAT deep lol.. but I need some input blogger!

The Other Woman

2012-01-11T18:59:00.000-08:00

I firmly believe that as a woman, a point in time there was another woman or you were the other woman.

Straight up, I have been both.. I can admit that, because I'm so past that.

Anyone that puts up with cheating has low self-esteem, and anyone that cheats with someone knowing they are taken has low self esteem.

I didn't always have the self esteem I have now. Took me sometime to really get to love myself, and become the confident and self respecting woman I am today. We always say we love ourselves, but our actions prove otherwise.. Although my heart was never in bad place, or even if I did nothing wrong I spent way too much energy into loving others before myself. The things I put up with, or even took part in proved one thing.. I did not love myself. Love is an action word. Do I love myself now? I sure do! It's proven in the way I think and carry myself.

Have I made mistakes? We all have, I'm no different.. but unlike some, I really took the time to correct my mistakes and let it mold me into a better me, and it has. I love me so much now, that no one (and I do mean, no one) can hurt me. I care less about word, and more about action, and I don't WILLINGLY do anything that isn't right. I love me so much, I don't accept disrespect and I don't dish it out.

My experience being cheated on, of course wasn't a pleasant one and it really left me wounded for years. As a matter of fact, I still haven't gotten past it because in my eyes, it was the perfect relationship. Maybe even too good to be true, I guess. We rarely argued, couldn't keep our hands off each other, we were inseparable, one was never far from the other. It was my idea of "the perfect relationship" and had no end in sight, until one day, which was like all others except totally out the blue, it was over..there was someone else. There were NO signs of this. We hadn't drifted apart, we hadn't talked any less, as far as I knew we were still happy. This someone else had talked to me on occasion, we were not friends.. but I conversed with her and had nothing against her, until then. It literally broke my heart, one because despite the facts I've had a few boyfriends, my heart was not something I was willing to offer to them all. I admit, I'm hard to get through and I don't wear my heart on my sleeve.. so for me to break down that guard and give my heart away it hurt like you wouldn't believe..

Apart of me hated HER for a long time, because I felt like she came in between what we had. My young mind couldn't even grasp that she didn't act alone. Didn't get it then, but I get it now.
Basically as a get back to her, I still maintained a relationship with him. For me it was win win. Hurt her like she hurt me, and still get to be around the person I love. Until...

I don't know what it was, but one day when I woke up I got tired of the same old then. It really got me no where. The saying really is true, hurt people hurt people. I didn't realize how hurt I was, and my anger and hurt was totally misdirected. The one that owed me anything was HIM, the one that I was committed to was HIM, the one that broke my heart was HIM.. even if it hadn't been her, it would probably be someone else. It took me to get a little older, and a little wiser to figure this out. So when I figured it out, I got out of the situation and found someone that could be ALL mine. I did, and I was happy. For a while!

THIS time, I was being cheated on like a dog! I wouldn't believe what people were telling me, until I saw it for myself. Maybe the fact that we never had sex and we dated a year had something to do with it lol, but anywho, I had started to really develop feelings for him so that hurt too.

Here I was, a faithful girlfriend, wasn't with the drama, didn't nag, did everything right but no one could do right by me.. "I" was always the one that caught feelings, but got cheated on and to make matters worse, the other women was an even bigger slap in my face because even on my worst day they were still uglier. But I guess looks are not everything so let's let that one go.

Naturally, I got sick of being the good girl. It got me no where but to heartbreak city. It really made me feel like maybe if I were the bad guy I wouldn't get hurt and could care less who I hurt as long as it's not me again. This was my mentality.

What fueled my fire even more was being raped. Two things I were not used to giving away was my heart (which had been broken to smithereens) and my hello kitty (just bc I've had a few boyfriends doesn't mean they got the goods). After that happened, even though it was a stranger it fueled my hurt even more because it made me feel like my luck with men was straight shit. Like no matter how good of a person, or how good of a woman I am.. I will always be a victim bc some other woman will come along and cheat with my boyfriend, or he'll leave when I let my guard down..

So now. at this point, I had sworn men off (no I didn't turn to a lesbo lol). I just wasn't interested in dating anymore. I was content with buying a lifetime supply of batteries and marrying myself if I had to.. until, I met a guy. A guy who was attached. It was a great friendship, and I felt this person genuinely cared about me, something I hadn't felt in a long time or ever if we're being honest here. Eventually the friendship fueled to something more which was totally unplanned but at that point I said, it's my time to be happy. So here I am in the other seat now. The other woman! I was smitten. He would compliment me daily, we would go almost everywhere together, we practically lived together because for almost 2 years we stayed in the same house. We had grown inseparable. I had actually met the person he was with, and that alone played apart on my concious to say okay Kaneisha, just leave it alone.

Telling your head and your heart the same thing doesn't always produce the same results, I was clearly thinking with my heart. Anyhow, I started to try dating someone else.. this didn't go well with him because all the while he was attached, the idea of us being together was talked about but not really acted on. He had his cake & pie, so he had no reason to make a move before. Well, I totally changed up towards him and really tried to invest everything in this new, unattached person..

He went insane. He started calling me, wanting to be around me more, even started the talk of being together. He even went as far to actually leave the person he was with. None of which I asked for, because while I know I made the mistake of even going there w/ him in the first place, I tried to turn over a new leaf and grow up per say.

I don't regret doing what I did because I learned something I needed to learn from it. Not all guys are bad, not all guys will hurt you and clearly I just hadn't met the right one, and that just because I've been hurt it isn't fair for me to hurt someone in return. Hurt people hurt people.. and that's clear. I've lived it. Thinking that being good got me no where, but led to heartbreak and constantly being hurt, I thought being bad would bring the opposite. It didn't.

Not that I'm taking the onus off myself, I see now you can't always blame the other woman. Having been in both positions before, after I was raped, I swore off even having a relationship and although we were friends, I don't believe I would have made a move had I not been told how beautiful I was, how real I was, and how much I was loved, and that he wishes things were different with us. I totally fell for it, and this is my thing, not just for women, but men.. you just never know what your partner is doing or saying to the other person. When your partner makes them feel like it's "okay" to be the other person, and violate the trust and loyalty that should have been given to only you.. your issue is with your company.

Women are always mad at other women, and men are always mad at other men over something their triflin spouse either initiated or took part in and at the end of the day, that relationship will fail regardless. If it wasn't me, it would be someone else.. and turns out there have been over 5 somebody elses lol. My point is, check your company. At the end of the day, they're the ones who owe us anything

.

Celeb Gossip: Chris Brown & Rihanna Reconciliation

2011-12-30T12:34:00.000-08:00

If you pay attention to celeb gossip like I do, by now you've heard that Chris Brown and Rihanna are in talks of getting back together. For those that have been under a rock and don't know why they broke up in the first place let's take a trip down memory lane for a sec..

About three years ago, after leaving an Awards Show, Chris Brown and Rihanna got into a physical altercation inside his car. There was speculation that a text came through to his phone from another woman (presumably his older female manager) and Rihanna went ham! Not the way the media reported it though.. it was thrown completely into Chris' lap, but if you have common sense, you'd know that it's likely she threw the first punch after seeing whatever message this woman sent him.

Even after the fight, the two reconciled.. but when AMERICA chimed in, they had a lot to say about it and naturally the two broke up. Pictures were leaked of a beaten Rihanna which then caused America to run to Rihanna's side which ultimately led to radios not wanting to play his music, backlash from media outlets and angry fans, and stores not even wanting to put his CD's on shelves! His career suffered while hers thrived.

However! He made a comeback..people have stopped talking about what he DID.. until NOW.
Now that the two are sending subliminal tweets to each other, and are wanting to get back together.. America is against it and are clinging onto what happened..My thoughts on this are..

At that moment (3 years ago), both of them were wrong. He shouldn't have put hands on her, and she shouldn't have put hands on him. Women hit men all the time because they know men are not supposed to put his hands on a woman, however, I've always been taught not to put your hands on ANYONE if you don't want to be hit in return. She reacted out of anger and he reacted. Doesn't make it right when there were two wrong in the situation..

However, I say to this, it's THEIR life. I'm so past the point of judging anyone when it comes to being stupid in "their" relationship, because lord knows we have ALL done some stupid shit when it comes to love. One thing about love is, no love is perfect.. every relationship is going to test you (even a soul mate). While this is no excuse to put up with every hurtful thing in the book, mistakes happen and people change. I truly believe when you love someone you never stop. I think for the most part, they broke up for the world.. but you can't live your life for others, because ultimately your happiness is in your own hands.

If they want to be together, let them be. They obviously love each other. They were young, and you can never be old and wise if you were never young and crazy! A perfect person does not exist, and has no room to grow. Mistakes are life's lessons to us all and none of us are in a position to judge at the end of the day. Here's a question I want to ask everyone...

Are YOU still the same way you were 3 years ago, or have you grown since then?

"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater"

2011-12-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

So, your man/girl cheated on you. After you've gotten done huffing & puffing, you decide to take them back because you believed them when they said it was a mistake and that they'd never do it again. Unbeknownst to you, they're doing it again, only this time not doing their hardest to keep it from you. Sounds backwards right? You get caught cheating, but instead of doing a harder job to keep it a secret, you stop covering your tracks because you've realized one thing...

You're with a fool!

Now I don't mean to be rude here, but I gotta keep it real.. if you've been cheated on and you stayed, you may not have always been a foolish person, but at that moment you made a foolish choice. (Such is life though I suppose). Two things that people need to understand is once trust is lost, so is the relationship and that I'm sorry doesn't always mean "I'm sorry" but rather "I'm sorry I've been caught." People make mistakes, sure, and a relationship requires you to learn how to forgive fervently.. however, there's a fine line between someone making a mistake, which is just that.. a mistake, than deliberately doing an act to lose your trust.

Whip out your dictionaries for a sec. If you actually knew what a "mistake" really was, it'd change your whole mind set!

Mistake: an unintentional error

Now that we know what a "mistake" is, do you really believe they either kissed someone else, or screwed them unintended? If not, was there a gun or weapon involved? If not, sounds like you should now be lucid that you've been served a cup of bullshit. But now what?

I don't believe the cliche to be true. Once a cheater, always a cheater. However, I do believe once they've cheated on YOU, and YOU stayed they are going to cheat on YOU again (and again, and again!), because they've taken notice that all you're going to do is yell and get mad at me for a few weeks, but take them back.. and that's a chance so many people are willing to take because they know one thing to be true: Love is a powerful thing, and they know that although they screwed up, you love them.. this leaves THEM, although they should be begging for mercy and forgiveness to you, in a position of power! Now how did you, someone that did NOTHING wrong, except love and stand by this trifling person become powerless? Because too many times, and I do mean TOO many times.. when you love someone, you start loving them more than yourself.

When you're with someone it's not like it was when you were alone.. You've depended on this person as your source of happiness, you've depended on this person so much so you think there's no life without them. Which leads to...

You staying! and him or her still creeping.. They've officially attained the power you should've kept. They now know that since you've put up with the ULTIMATE betrayal, you'll take anything. Trust and believe, the moment you decided to stay-they took notice of it..and WILL do it again. To you! Like I said, I don't believe once a cheater, always a cheater.. with someone else! Once trust is lost, the relationship is too.. I do believe though, that although someone wasn't a good man/woman to you, they can be for someone else. Think of your man/woman like a child for a minute... Your "child" wrote all over their wall with crayons, you take the crayons away and they cry like hell until you give in.. you give in and discover the next day the living room now has a new wall decor, courtesy of them. There was no real lesson there, because after they had a fit, and you yelled at them or whatever, they got them back. It's something about things being taken from us before we really get the picture...and some people are not good with words, and need to be shown you mean business.

If you've ever been hurt, the power is really in your hands.. but just know that if you decide to stay the first time won't be the last, and if you decide to go know that, a person that loves you will not voluntarily hurt you, temptation as an excuse is BULL SHIT. If everybody else was jumping off a cliff, would they do it to? How about NOT. Stop being stupid people.. you're being low-key enablers. When a person feels like they can get away with something they will.. You can do bad all by yourself. Real happiness and real peace of mind is one thing you can't get back after being betrayed. Unfortunately it takes some years to get the picture.

In the News: 7-year old missing girl murdered

2011-12-06T00:53:00.000-08:00

My take on this whole thing is, whatever sick dog did this to this child deserves a 1st class ticket straight to hell

Anyone that can get a hard dick off violating a child to sexually assault and kill them is a mentally disturbed person. As a mother, I can't imagine going through not only knowing that my child was killed, but sexually assaulted as well. That sent chills up my spine, and although I don't know this child or her family it made me cry.

In my opinion, I do believe her mother is devastated by this, especially being that not only did she lose a daughter but her other two children were taken from her because of lack of supervision. I'm 50/50 with this. I believe she was truly just ignorant to the world that we live in and put too much faith in someone else to do something she should've done, which is watch her own kid. The other part feels that she deserved to have her other 2 children taken away, because while we all make mistakes, her mistake cost her child her life.

Even if you don't watch the news, the world is so screwed that unless you live under a rock, you're going to hear about the violence that goes on in the world. Word of mouth, radio, tv, signs, etc; It's not the same way it was before when you could send your child outside to play and let them come home when the street lights come on. If it's not safe for children to play in their own front yard without you, it's DEFINITELY not safe for them to be on a playground by themselves. I know that she asked a teen to watch her while she played, but not only as a parent, but as a human being, if you want something done the right way you have to do it yourself. At the end of the day, the responsibility of protecting your child, and accompanying yourself is YOUR job. It's always a bad thing to lose a child, but the pill that has to be hard to swallow is knowing if you had done what you as a parent should've done, which is get off your ass and take your child to the park, watch her, and walk her back home she would still be here.. smh

Trust Issues

2011-11-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

If you stalk your boyfriend/girlfriends Facebook page, email, or check their phone when they leave the room this is for you. If the second you see your man/girlfriend talking to someone of the opposite sex even slightly attractive and this wind of jealousy comes over you, this is for you. If you've been cheated on, lied to, and hurt before and have this underlying fear your new boo will do the same, this is for you too. If YOU have ever cheated, and feel paranoid every time your girl/boyfriend leaves, this is for you too!

We've all, if you've ever been in a serious relationship, know a thing or two about the emotions that come along with it. We've known happiness, sadness, jealousy, heartache, anger, disappointment, and hurt. If you've never experienced them, I have! Love takes a lot out of you.. and any relationship is a time investing situation. It's work. I think sometimes when we are in relationships (even those that are clearly no good for us) we don't leave simply because of ALL we invested to make it work. Walking away from a painful situation is not easy, and 9 times out of 10 when we walk away from one situation and into another we bring along old baggage with us!

He cheated, so this one may too, every man has ever lied to me so what he's saying must be lies too, and etc; The first thing that leads to a relationship being doomed is comparing the present person to the past. Just because one person was one way, doesn't mean the next will be the same. Don't make the new person in your life guilty of things they haven't even done. If they don't leave you for it, they will probably do something worth the punishment so you can really have something to talk about. ANY relationship, that you hope will be long lasting MUST have trust! Without it, your relationship WILL fail. There is nothing like peace of mind! It's priceless. There's nothing like knowing your man/woman is where they said they're going, if they're out late they really ARE working, the woman or man you see them speaking to is attractive but you just know they only have eyes for you and wouldn't betray that for anyone. There's nothing like knowing when they say I love you it's also proven in the way they treat you in and out your presence. Not many people have this, but it exists! True enough..

There are con-artist in the world. There are those that seem a little too perfect, too good to be true.. if they seem that way they probably are. It's just up to you to pay close attention..

WITHOUT TRUST... IT WON'T LAST, &

WHEN TRUST IS LOST THERE REALLY IS NO GETTING IT BACK..

You've Just Been Played!

2011-10-10T00:22:00.000-07:00

We usually have all the answers when it comes to the relationship of others, but not our own. You think he/she is cheating? If you notice any of these signs.. they probably are, and you have probably JUST BEEN PLAYED! (some of these are not mine, those that are not I will credit the site)

1. Intuition- If you just feel in your gut something ain't right, it's probably not! Never ignore your intuition

2. He/She hardly has sex with you (or stopped cold turkey)-If a person once wanted to jump your bones day in and day out but all of a sudden they stopped, could be for three reasons:
A. They are cheating and probably jumping someone else' bones while
you read this (lol)
B. They are bored with your sex life. Maybe it's too routine,
or no longer pleasurable or enjoyable for them
C. They are no longer attracted to you
-NEVER buy the "I'm too tired" bs.. especially for someone you've always known to be addicted to sex. People make time for what they want.

3. Spends more and more time away from you-Could be them wanting to get away from you or avoid you.

4. They have friends of the opposite sex that they didn't have at first.

5. They put more effort into their personal appearance all of a sudden- The same way they got all dolled up/dressed up for you at one point but stopped after they won you over, they're probably doing the same to win someone else over!

6. They talk on the phone more than usual or leave the room

7. Lock code on their phone. If you have nothing to hide, what are you hiding?

8. More defensive than usual-arguing with you over any little thing just to have a reason to leave home

9. They've cheated before-if they have cheated before and you're still here.. trust me, they notice this and are probably taking advantage! After all, what are you gonna do?

10. They lie more and more and tries to cover a lie with more lies

http://divorcedwomenonline.com/2010/12/29/eight-signs-he-is-cheating/
http://www.cheating-spouse-alert.com/signs-he-is-cheating.html

The Infamous Baby Bump

2011-10-09T23:34:00.000-07:00

People are wearing this story out like a bad hair weave. About two months ago Beyonce revealed her baby bump at the VMA's.. since then all people can talk about is why one minute her baby bump looks big, but small the next, and is she faking it...

1. Anyone that has paid attention would notice she has been wearing looser clothing or darker colors
(This alone gives a slimming affect to certain areas of the body)

2. If you've been pregnant before you know that one day you can have a non existent belly, and the next it's like BOOM!

3. She is mostly photographed from the front... pregnant people in the beginning months tend to show more from the side

4. She's Beyonce! WHY would she have to fake ANYTHING????? lol

I don't get it!!!!

This is me from the front and side at 6 months..

see the difference??? lol

"The Devil Made Me Do It"

2011-10-09T23:21:00.000-07:00

This is the favorite excuse of many as to why they have screwed up. Everything in life is a CHOICE. That's one thing that's given to you free.. anyone mentally competent knows right from wrong. However, when some choose the wrong way they blame the devil. Sometimes you have to take responsibility for yourself. It's the only way you will learn! After all, that's what mistakes are for, to learn from. Every time you mess up it's not because Satan was standing over your shoulder chanting: "do it, do it, do it!" Even if that were the case, what does that say about you for aiming to please the devil and ignoring all that is righteous? Take responsibility or you will repeat your wrongs over and over again. The first word of advice a counselor gives to a person that has an issue is: the first thing you have to do is admit that YOU have a problem.

If he seems too good to be true...

2011-10-09T21:47:00.000-07:00

He ~~probably~~ IS! Let's face it, in the beginning every relationship is near perfect! If it wasn't it wouldn't even last long. In relationships after we no longer have to spend hours on hair and makeup, impressing them w/ flowers, 1,000 phone calls a day reality sets in. Think of it as marketing..

Anytime a person is pursuing you they are selling themselves to you, hoping you will invest and like this person they have sold you on. You're in deep now, you believe you have the most perfect man in the world, he provides, he says all the right things, he does all the right things..kind of man your friends wish they had. What if... your man sold you some bullshit and even after one, two, three, four, fifty five, one thousand times you uncover that he isn't who he said he was you look at who you THOUGHT he was, but not who he "is." You don't want to give your friends something to take about, and most of all you just don't wanna say the relationship failed. Some advice, one thing my mom told me that people should take heed to is...

When a person shows you who they are believe them!!! When words fail, actions SPEAK. YOU just have to be willing to listen... or else, it's you that will be compromised next. Elaborate, you say?

You will lose yourself trying to hold on to a person with ill intentions, and you will devalue yourself by thinking he's changed because of something "you" did when that's not always the case. Some people are good pretenders and specialize in fooling others. There is only so much you can turn the other cheek on... run while you can, before a negative relationship cripples you mentally, emotionally, and hell, sometimes (financially). Failing is a way of life, it's inevitable.. it's the learning from your failures that shape you. Would you rather someone break you or have someone mold you into greatness? Let it marinate..

Death Penalty

2011-10-09T15:53:00.000-07:00

If you haven't heard, in Georgia a man by the name of Troy Davis was executed September 21, 2011 for the murder of a cop back in 1989. It was a very controversial topic because: 1. Many felt that because the cop that was murdered was white, and the alleged was black, they gave him a harsher sentence 2. There was no evidence that Davis killed the officer 3. 7 of the 9 witnesses recanted previous statements saying Davis was really innocent and they were coerced by police officers to say that he was guilty 4. Davis asked for a lie detector test, to prove he was innocent and the courts said no. In my opinion, I think race did play a major role in the Davis ruling, it has been known that Georgia is one of the most racist states and this is not something I personally believe, according to CNN (and a person that is non-black btw), statistics show BLACKS are sentenced to death for murdering whites way more than whites are. Don't get me wrong, I am not racist, I just know that racism still exists and that was proven when the courts said without saying, although this is NO evidence, 7 out of 9 witnesses saying he wasn't the one that did it, and him requesting a lie detector he would still be put to death! That there is some strong hate, in my opinion. I wonder how they feel knowing they put a potentially innocent person to death because they CHOSE to ignore facts. We've all heard of deathbed confessions, but what's amazing is that even before he was put to death he "still" proclaimed his innocence. Says a lot.

There are a lot of Troy Davis' in the world, and many people are against the death penalty. Although I do not agree Davis deserved the death penalty (or to be in prison for that matter), I can't say that I am against the death penalty. I think under certain circumstances, and certainty that they have indeed committed a serious crime, I agree that they should keep it. For murderous crimes that is. I know, everything should not always be an eye for an eye but when one has taken the life of an innocent person why should it be any different for a GUILTY person? Troy Davis was innocent and didn't deserve to die. My opinion, sorry if you don't agree.

Cayla Lovelace

2011-10-03T04:52:00.000-07:00

I love my happy, laughing, smilin baby. That is ALL she does. She is my heart, I just love her. She has a personality out of this world! Already! She is friendly, smiles 24hours a day (even in her sleep lol), she is animated and makes body builder moves and sounds like she is scaring somebody lol, she likes to play, she laughs out loud about EVERYTHING, I've never in my life seen a happier baby. Ever. If you think I'm silly, she's 20x sillier. She likes to play already.. loves for people to chase her in her walker lol.

she is like the best baby on earth.. although she can be bad at times lol. She is so lovable ..and I know because I'm her mom I'm allowed to say this lol but if you met her before, you know it's the truth : )

Why you were cheated on

2011-10-02T10:45:00.000-07:00

Infidelity in relationships is a very common thing and this is whether it is just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship or husband and wife. While I am a firm believer that once trust is broken there is no getting it back, many couples work toward getting past it, but at what cost and is it really worth the investment? Once you discover a person has been unfaithful, the first thing you, the "cheated" needs to understand (although you may not like)is why the "cheater" cheated you. In the beginning of most relationships things are almost perfect! And anytime something or *clears throat* someone seems too good to be true guess what love? They ~~probably~~ are! We all know how it is in the beginning. The butterflies, you want to spend every moment with them, you go out and have fun, the passion is alive, your sex life is through the roof, you have not a care in the world. But then, TIME kicks in! You start wanting a little space, you have bills and work 10-12 hour shifts so you don't spend that quality time together anymore, you get used to him/her so you don't feel those same old butterflies, you got your man/woman so you don't spend 2 or more hours to look extra sexy for them and you start letting yourself go, you barely have sex and if you do it became so routine and so predictable that it bores the shit out of you and you'd rather watch a snail race, or you stopped having fun!

Once an affair has taken place it's easy to blame the person the cheater cheated with, whether they knew or didn't know about you. Sometimes you just need to sit back, get the crust out the corner of your eyes, clean your glasses, or whatever it is that keeps you from seeing things for what they are. Often times when an affair occurs there ARE 2 people at fault: the cheater him/herself, and you.. the cheated! Why didn't I mention the person that the cheater cheated with? Because a cheater, will be a cheater and if it's not them it will be someone else!! And 9 times out of 10, they are probably NOT the only one, that one you do know about just may be one of many that you know nothing about. It's so easy to give this "whoa it's me" sob story, "I'm the victim he/she hurt me" but when you take the blindfold off and really see a situation for what it is, you will see that you are to blame as well. You settled, and as time went by you failed to acknowledge a relationship that was deteriorating. It has nothing to do with being tempted and everything to do with boredom and unhappiness. Happy people don't cheat!

Everybody loves to say that affairs come from "weakness" on the part of the betraying partner. That statement alone takes the onus off the other partner, when in fact, a huge percentage of the time what's happened is that over years the relationship has suffered a slow and cold death, and the affair is just a sudden and nasty reflection of something that fell apart long ago. Both partners are to blame for this.

Just think: If you had a partner whose company you actually loved, who gave you fantastic sex, fulfills your desires mentally, physically, and emotionally would you have an affair? Probably not.

It's ashame that it has to come to such a point, but you both were lazy and fail to acknowledge things along the way, that could have possibly prevented this. While I think once the trust is gone it's gone forever, there are unbelievers to this fact and I say to you, if you choose to stay get to the root of the problem and take responsibility yourself. A relationship in itself is work, and you can never ever ever stop working or you will either be fired or demoted!

Morning Inspiration

2011-09-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

Here are a few of my favorite quotes that have significant meaning in my life that I'd like to share. Happy friday!

1. If its still in your mind, then its still in your heart

2. All of us make mistakes. The wise, admit and learn. The insecure, deny. The foolish, repeat. The godly, forgive them!

3. If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it is not, you will find an excuse.

4. The only people you need in your life are the ones that prove they need you in theirs.

5. We tend to judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions. So we condemn others and excuseourselves.

6. You should Always "Expect" the things that you "Accept" from people

7. If you've never experienced the pain of a wrong decision, you'll never celebrate wisdom!

Why You Don't Have the Relationship You Want

2011-09-15T22:25:00.000-07:00

I think there is one thing every woman has in common,and that's the desire to love and be loved. It's just so ideal to have that "fairytale" type romance you see in the movies. So many want it, so little have. Little do so many women know, you are the reason you don't have it! Knowing when to hold on and let go confuses a lot of people and that goes for men and women. The older I get, I realize others do not grow in wisdom as they do in age. We've all heard the saying a good man is hard to find (I'm sure men feel this way about women also), however, just because he's a good man or she's a good woman doesn't make them the person for you!! You CAN have what you see in movies, but many don't because unfortunately we live in a world where settling is so easy! And people love the easy way out. It's more convenient. As I look at other women it baffles me to just how BADLY some women want to be loved! To sum it all up, not only do some women stay with the right man for all the wrong reasons, you have some that haven't even learned how to love themselves yet and put their love in the wrong man for all the wrong reasons!

Some women would rather be beaten physically and/or emotionally all for the love of a man, accepted having been cheated/being cheated on just to have someone to call "theirs" (Happy people DON'T Cheat! When someone really loves you, noone can come between that), disrespect, and total inconsideration toward them and their feelings. They can be unhappy, and KNOW the person they are with is unhappy through their actions, but because they are that insecure and starved for love they will endure it ALL. It almost makes me ashamed for them because to be that weak and spineless signifies a very lost and insecure person! It actually pisses me off because.. Women like this are the reason so many men won't fully commit and are so disrespectful! When a man discovers he can run over you he is going to! Women in the process spoil these men and these men forget what it's like to have a woman with a backbone and becomes perfectly content with doing what the hell he wants! This is why he won't act right for the RIGHT one. Love is a two way street, if you ain't gettin what you're givin love YOU enough to walk away!

Childbirth

2011-06-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

7lbs 8 oz, 20.5in long

Child birth is such a beautiful thing. Towards the end of my pregnancy I got a little sick of carrying around 40 extra pounds I had gained w/ my daughter, the swollen feet, and false contractions. I BEGGED, yes begged to be induced. I was in labor for 13 hours and slept through most of it! lol Got up to 7 cm drug free and pain free, only got the epidural because I was afraid to feel anything while pushing. I think I was so excited I didn't have fear of the pain I could've felt. I didn't want many people there so it was my mom & god mom there for the whole process so I was very comfortable. I pushed for a whole hour. Talk about EXHAUSTING! A whole hour w/ only 10 second breaths in between. She was born at 12:01 am, and as soon as I pushed her out I cried! Probably as hard as her. I NEVER in my life felt that happy. Never had I cried tears of joy as I did then. I cried for atleast 10 minutes straight lol. It's really a beautiful moment, child birth. Since my daughter has been born I haven't left her side for more than 1 hour! I have lots of family and friends that offer to help and watch her, but honestly I've gotten so used to her and love her so much I don't wanna be without her even for a second!

Click link for pics of her!: )

..And the winner is

2010-09-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

Well, as you know, I have been trying to figure out what to name my daughter ever since I found out I was indeed having a daughter. Her name will be Cayla Nicole Lovelace. It's simple, cute, and to the point. Just what I wanted : )

*Update 10/1/10-Actually.. I am not sure if Cayla is the winner. Which is better Cayla Nicole Lovelace, or Nahla Nicole Lovelace

It's A Girl!!

2010-09-19T15:19:00.000-07:00

Saturday, Sept. 18 I went to a facility that does 3D ultrasound imaging b/c while I was dying to find out the sex of my baby, I was also dying to just see this little person inside of me! I definitely preferred a boy beforehand, but as soon as the ultrasound started and I saw her face.. I immediately fell in love with her and forgot all about the thought of having a boy! The lady says: it's a girl! and I just wanted to scream of excitement.. this is the person that kicks me all day, everyday! this is the person who's face I imagine all the time and just cry b/c I love her more than anyone in the world, and i never even met her! It's a scary, but happy feeling. I imagine if i love her already now, that love is going to quadruple times infinity when she gets here and I come face to face w/ my little princess. Her mannerisms inside the womb are just adorable! she crosses her legs (like a class lil'lady) lol, and she plays peek-a-boo! She covers half of her face with a smile.. I just can't wait to meet her! I'm happier than ever.

Update!

2010-09-19T15:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, I haven't been on here in a LONG time! So much has happened since I've been gone!

1. I graduated from college! (woo-hoo!)On August 27th, I graduated from Gupton Jones College! It was so much hard work, and I am prouder of myself than anyone because it was definitely hard and stressful BUT I made it victoriously! I now have an Associates of Science Degree!

2. I recently revealed to my family and friends that I'm pregnant! 5 months to be exact. I will be giving birth on February 12, 2011 to a baby girl. I found out in May and have been just exploding inside wanting to shout it to the world, but I only told my closest friends, as miscarriages are so common in my family and are more likely to occur the first four months of a pregnancy. It didn't stop me from telling SOMEBODY! lol I just couldn't go on keeping it to myself.. noone even suspected it! I didn't gain a pound the entire 4 months! I lost 10 actually! I am just now getting a bigger and rounder stomach (which crept up on me OVERNIGHT!) I can't explain how it feels, but it's just a special, special feeling! I love my baby more than anything in the world.. and while most feel like a baby will hold a person back, I will not fall under that stereotype! My baby girl is motivation for me to get out there and work hard for her! I had a great life coming up, and my baby will have an even greater one!

"Homewrecker"

2010-06-28T09:31:00.000-07:00

The term "home wrecker" has been used for years.. and as I read the comments on all the gossip sites, I see so many people refer to Alicia Keys as "man thief and homewrecker." I have never understood how anyone could be stolen from another person? Or how it is "always" the womans fault. If she "is" a homewrecker, then why isn't anyone talking about how he allowed his home to be wrecked? From seeing these two at the awards, if she did "steal" him he seems pretty happy about it. It always falls into the womans lap, and women are always mad at other women over a man, and the man is always forgiven as if he didn't take part, or like he didn't let it happen. I don't care what anybody says. It is impossible to steal a man/woman from somebody else. Any relationship consists of a mutual agreement to be in it, and the fact that she has the ring the size of a bowling ball I'm sure the agreement was more than mutual. It's actually sad that b/c someone doesn't wish to remain in their relationship people will hold their children in the middle of it. I hear so many women say, I want my child to have their father so thats why I'm trying to make it work. While I think ANY woman would want that, most of the time it's an excuse because YOU want him there. Then in situations like this.. people like to bring up the bible by saying God does not condone getting divorced.. true, but God ALSO does not condone pre-marital sex (which I am sure just about half the world broke that one), he does not condone stealing, killing, envy, nor gossip. Funny how the bible is never brought up when people are doing sinful things themselves EVERYDAY. It is an imperfect world, and no sin outweighs another..but to ME, the ultimate sin is judging another person because then you are trying to take the place of God. I guarantee no matter how that situation REALLY was, they've been forgiven for it. I think they look great together, happy together, and I hope they have a beautiful & healthy baby.

I'm baaaack ;)

2010-06-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

Well, I finally catch a break from school (Praise the Lord, Thank you Jesus lol). The break is only for 2 weeks..but I am appreciative! I needed it. The non-stop testing leaves me with a pretty non-existent social life. lol. I graduate August 27th! The end is almost here, can't wait!

Life

2010-03-12T23:36:00.000-08:00

God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. (loved the quote Champ)

Saw this quote on Champ's twitter and it made me think. Someone once told me they don't let people know their problems, they just tell God, for he is one who will not judge-but he will listen. Looking back on my life I can't say I'm really proud. I feel like situations in life can turn a person into someone they never imagined themselves being. I pray that God knows my heart is good and always in the right place--but I've become selfish; I know I need to work on being patient. Feels like ALL my life I've heard, be patient-it's coming it's coming.. but everytime I turn around I'm last to receive. It's like all my life I've been waiting in line for everything I've ever hoped for. One in particular, relationships. I've always been a great girlfriend-but honestly, my 1st real relationship which just so happened to be my first love has left me scarred. I do not hate him, infact, it's one of those I'll probably always love him kind of things..the point is just that--the one time I was so happy, then have it snatched away without warning apart of me is SCARED to date again. Those who've been wondering why I'm single.. That is why. Not him personally, b/c while it hurts to love alone, I get that he probably doesn't love me back, but just plain out fear. My eyes are wide open now though which i'm not sure if that's good or bad. I do not trust people. My trust is the best gift I can give to anyone because, b/c of what I've been through I expect for someone near & dear to me to flip the script. I pray for happiness, I don't want to feel lonely forever, I don't want to be alone, I want a family of my own-one I know for sure I will be loved in return.. most of all I just pray I don't have to watch my life pass me by while I wait.

21

2010-03-06T19:50:00.000-08:00

In 20 more days I'll no longer be 20. I will be 21 and at this point, I don't even know how I will celebrate it because I've already found myself to be bored with the old way of life I used to live. Apart of me just wants to start anew. For my birthday I don't want to get drunk, I don't drink now and even though I will be legal and able to drink, it's not something I want to do. I don't want to go to parties, clubs, I just want to take a step towards recreating myself. Even if I have no party or no celebration, I just want to work on me. Since January I have lost a total of 15 pounds.. I want to lose about another 10 and exercise regularly, I want to put more focus into my work, I want to stop procrastinating, I want a closer relationship with God. I want to stop cursing, I want to stop talking about people (lets be real, we ALL do it.) I just want to be better. Hopefully, I will meet the guy for me. Someone who even if he's a big a mess as I am inside is willing to travel down the same journey and work on becoming better people. It's a lot I wish to change about myself. I cant think of a better way to celebrate.

Are Your Standards Too High?

2010-01-08T17:07:00.000-08:00

I for one have high standards when it comes to love. I don't expect a perfect person, but I do expect someone that can be on my level for once. I think low standards signifies low self-esteem, however, having high self esteem is not to be mistaken with wanting what's unrealistic. For one, I don't need someone perfect, I don't need a man for his posessions, I need someone that I can fall in love with. Women often say "I need a man with a car,money,he needs a good job, he needs to dress right, have a nice body,etc;" All of which is really kind of shallow, and is even more shallow if she doesn't even have these things HERSELF. Why knock someone else for what you don't even have? Sometimes women have their standards too high and fail to realize how unfair it is to ask for something she lacks. Cause when she downs him for all that he doesn't own or blows him off, perhaps she shouldn't be so bitter when one does it to her.

"Barbie"

2010-01-07T12:19:00.001-08:00

I can't understand for the life of me why women.. grown women refer to themselves as a freakin barbie. Last I time I had the word barbie in my vocabulary I was atleast 9 or 10. I like Nicki Minaj, but it is definitely nerve wrecking to hear so many females refer to themselves as a Barbie.

Check Yourself

2010-01-05T18:46:00.000-08:00

Ok.. I'll try to keep this short since it was just a thought. It IRKS the mess out of me when women/girls complain about a guys approach or the way he treats her. While there are some ignorant people in the world, when you have people CONSTANTLY coming to you in such a negative way or says degrading things to you maybe it's time you check yourself. A lot of the times, the way you carry yourself is the way people will communicate with you. The way you put yourself out there will determine how someone treats you. If you have (making this name up) Tiffany "sexyred" so and so.. When a guy says to you "What's up sexy" why complain about a guy not coming correct? A lot of it is on you. Not everyguy is a dog and one thing I have found to be true, even a DOG respects SOMEONE and knows how to have the ability to respect you too if it's what you demand. IF you are putting pictures of your ass, or taking body shots a guy isn't going to be looking for anything serious w/ you, and that's just the truth. A lot of the reason it's so many "quote on quote" dogs in the world is because of women! That's probably a debateable sentence but in my opinion it's true. I believe if more women carried themselves as women, respected themselves more, teach people how to respect them.. they wouldn't have ish to complain about!

Food for thought

2010-01-02T18:53:00.000-08:00

Here are some inspirational quotes that I found to be FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

1. God doesn't want us to settle. He wants us to be fully satisfied. Never accept less than your worth!

2. Stress in life comes from makin things more important than they are, failure come from makin things less important than they are

3. Ladies:: Love you 1st! If ur connecting with wrong guys constantly, you are attracting subconsciously, ppl you think you deserve.

4. Prayer are ALWAYS answered, its just sometimes the answer is NO.

5. If you tolerate it, you lose your right to complain about it.

6. "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have."

7. Sometimes everything you want is right in front of your eyes, just waiting to be seen in a different way

8. Blessing follows Belief! ~ "You are blessed because u believed that the Lord would do what he said." ~ Luke 1:45

Be Thankful

2009-12-31T14:06:00.000-08:00

"Sometimes everything you want is right in front of your eyes, just waiting to be seen in a different way"

I saw this quote on Rev Run's twitter, I always make time to go to his twitter everyday for inspiration daily. This quote has a very deep meaning to it, and it's something everyone should see. Often times, when we're stressed out or unhappy we forget to see the blessing in whatever it is that has us down, because there's a blessing in EVERY aspect of our lives, just waiting to be recognized. Sometimes everything you want you already have, you just don't even know it. Try thinking like this: so what you don't have a car-you were blessed with legs and feet to make it where you need to go, maybe not as quick as you want to but it's possible; Some people don't have legs, some don't have feet, some don't even have life anymore. Why complain? A fault finder will find fault in paradise. Try being thankful for what you do have, pray daily, because the things you possess you DON'T have to have. I bet it's someone in this world that with they could have even just a little of what you have. Be humbled and thankful and try recognizing what you do have instead of complaining about what you lack. When you look at what you don't have why not be thankful for what you do have, and thank God you aren't doing nearly as bad as you could be doing. BE THANKFUL.

10 Things Women Love About Men

2009-12-20T18:28:00.000-08:00

1. Power: Not a controlling type power, more like an "old-fashioned" type of power that existed probably before we even existed. Where the man was head of household, the decisions were up to him, he wore the pants. Nowadays, SOME (not all) women have to be "the man" too. When a guy asks what it is that "you" want to do, it's sweet to an extent but it's also nice to be surprised sometimes.. This is not to be confused with control. It's a man being a man and understanding his role as such. A strong black powerful man is the epitome of sexy.

2. Scent:The scent of a man's cologne drives a woman crazy in so many ways. It's sexy. Period.

3. His word is his bond: A good woman can appreciate a good man that does what he says he's going to do!

4. Initiative: He gets things done without her having to even say a word! He's a man that sees something needs to be done and he does it.

5. REAL: He's real. He's himself at all times. He loves his woman the same way he loves her in private, around others.

6.A friend: A man that can be your friend first is so important. Who better to understand you, talk to, or love you better than your friend?

7. Gentleman: He notices the new perfume you have on, or the new hair-do and he never fails to let you know how beautiful you are. He makes you feel good about yourself. He's considerate, he makes you feel like a lady.

8. Protective: A woman loves a man that makes them feel safe. Not saying he has to walk around with a chip on his shoulder or act "hard".. but to know that he will do anything to make sure you're ok and like you are in good hands when he's there makes a woman feel so special!

10. Loves God: Save the best for last. A man that has faith and loves God is so important, infact, it's the most important.

I have one coming for the men too! Fingers need rest. Brb: )

If you put up with it, you DESERVE it!

2009-11-27T22:28:00.000-08:00

I think every woman has played the fool, ATLEAST once. Not every female will admit it, but every female has been stupid for a guy atleast once. There's a fine line between being forgiving and being a fool and I have been both before. I don't know of a single woman that hasn't been, even the strongest most self-respecting females have been there, only difference is: some learn, some don't. A woman that gets hurt and learns from those mistakes is a woman of strength. A woman that gets hurt, and stays is a flat out FOOL because a man that loves you will NOT hurt you-so when you keep on loving someone that really and truly doesn't even love you are a fool b/c you feel like you aren't worth more. Maybe all women should enroll in a psychology class and learn that behaviors are LEARNED. Little do you know, you teach people how to treat you. If people keep treating you wrong and you keep forgiving and forgiving, all you are doing is teaching him it's ok to mistreat you. Ever realize a guy can be treating you the way he sees you treat yourself as well. Any woman that really loves herself won't accept being mistreated in ANY kind of way, if you're showing this guy you accept being mistreated, WHY would he love someone that doesn't even know how to love herself. Guys are smarter than you give them credit for, and when he continually does you wrong and you stay/come back he does not see you as his down chick, you brand yourself as someone he can get over on. The woman that no matter what he does (or possibly who lol) you are gonna put up with it! You may be the sweetest, most giving female on this earth, people may always tell you he doesn't deserve you-but I'M telling you, If you keep on putting up with the hurt you are getting exactly what you deserve. You lose the right to complain. Like I say, I been there before.. but what makes me strong and what makes me different is I learned to love myself. You'd be surprised just how much you learn about you when you take the focus off knuckle head boys and start putting yourself first! Little do some females know, the no good guys they continually pick are those subconsciously they feel they deserve, and for a woman to feel like this she needs to work on HERSELF before she can work on a relationship because clearly she doesn't love herself. When a "man" loves you, you won't sit around and cry, you won't go through this "back & forth," a boy puts a women through those things because he doesn't know what he wants-he's either afraid of commitment or isn't 100% sure it's you he wants.. I'm starting to wonder though, if some women can even handle what they say they are looking for. They say they want someone to be real with them, they want love, they wanna be happy.. but I think in actuality some are still "girls" mentality wise and is just about as pathetic as he is and dare I say it, just as afraid of commitment as he! It's always hard letting go, but if you maintained without them, you can do it again.. you are robbing yourself of the time you could have had learning about yourself and being happy with someone that knows love for what it really is and how to give it to you. I've been single for 3 years now, people tell me I should find someone but one things for certain, I'm single by choice not by chance. I spent too much time putting my love into dead end relationships and loving them, and I forgot to love MYSELF. I didn't know how to really love me until all I was left with was ME, and at the end of the day you are all really have. It's not that I'm not ready for a man, but I have yet to meet one that was ready for me! Some people need another person to make them feel complete, but I'm just fine loving me-that's how it will be until someone comes along that I feel is deserving of my love too.

Do you love them for them or for who you want them to be?

2009-10-11T15:46:00.000-07:00

First of all, nobody you get is going to be perfect, therefore even looking to transform someone into your perfect person is where you will mess up. I do believe in growth, and you being motivation enough for someone want to be good for you, but I don't believe in you changing someone into the person you dream of. If you can not or didn't love a person for the person they truly were when you met them, you still don't.. even if you invested time into making them out to be your "mr. or ms. perfect." No matter who you date there will be things you don't like about them, I'm sure the feeling will be mutual, but if you feel the need to groom them into the person for you.. that person is not for you boo. I have heard women say "he didn't do all that when I dated him, he used to be a dog before I got with him" and that has absolutely NOTHING to do with you personally, perhaps he respects you more but what women need to drill in their heads is you can NOT change a man. You sure as heck can't make a man do something he hasn't already made up his mind to do. Honestly, some women like guys they can change. It's an ego booster, and it makes her feel like she really changed someones life. When you really love someone, really love them.. you will encourage them, but not try to change them into who you want them to be. If you can't say you truly loved the person that came to you as they had always been, flaws and all.. you may think you do, but you don't really love them. You love the person you think you created.. which is unfortunate.. because it's always someone that will love a person as they are, and wouldn't change a thing..

What I am learning.

2009-10-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

I am little sick of a couple of things right now, I believe everyone needs to hear this saying: "I'm not perfect, and I don't claim to be, but before you point fingers at me make sure your hands are clean." I am not perfect, no where near it as a matter of fact, but I am always willing to work on my flaws. I accept constructive criticism, not someone just trying to hurt my feelings or having no reguard for them. I have come to learn that no matter what age you are, whether you are 50 years old, age does not make you wise, and it doesn't have to make you mature either. I am 20 and I like to think of myself as very mature. I'm also mature enough to know age doesn't equal perfect though. I do make mistakes, as EVERYONE does. But rather than keep repeating them I'm always looking to do better the next time and fully engage in self-improvement. I think as a person I can be very misunderstood. I wouldn't say I'm a loner, but I only surround myself with those I consider real. If I feel like a person is full of shit, I don't want to be around that. Maybe that's why I'm single too. But I have learned to stop stressing about a lot and see it like this, "will whatever is bothering me today matter a year from now?" Absolutely not.

Perfect, but not perfect for my heart

2009-08-10T16:36:00.001-07:00

As we all know, good men are so hard to come by. What if you know the perfect guy, sweet person, genuine person that wants the same type of commitment you want and he is quote on quote the perfect man, one everyone woman looks for?? What if, even after he has what all women desperately wish for, you still don't want him? I wouldn't say that I don't know what I want-because I do! I wouldn't say I'm asking for what I'm not ready for--I'm ready! BUT. I do believe, this world is filled with good people, those people you just don't come by everyday. The world is full of good men, and good women but just because someone has all these "perfect" qualities we all seek, it doesn't make them perfect for US! There is somebody for everybody, and while he may be the perfect guy.. he is just not perfect for my heart. This guy, I can say for sure is crazy about me. I have NEVER in my life been able to 100% say that about "any" guy, but for him I can say it. He fights for me, don't know if he is just persistent and my "no's" mean nothing or if sees that I am a woman worth being fought for, this guy loves me.. what women wouldn't want a guy like that? I guess me. A year ago, I don't think I loved myself the way I should.. I said I did but I realize I didn't until now. I love myself so much, I feel like I don't have to settle. Even for this perfect guy. In a relationship where one person likes the other more, it never works and it's not fair to the other person. Even if all they want is "you" it's not fair to them because they are settling for someone that loves them on a level lower than the love they have to give. Besides, while love in itself is a risk, I have wasted so much time "settling" b/c of loneliness or time invested and I can't do it anymore. I have a big heart, so much love to give.. noone! and I mean NO ONE I have dated even deserved it. The next person that I give my heart to will. What's funny though, the one person I would GLADLY give my heart to, the one person I do feel is perfect for my heart.. It doesn't even matter. Guess thats life.

Chris Brown's apology

2009-08-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

After months of the Rihanna/Chris brown fight that NOBODY would seem to let die, one of them has finally said something about it. While it does look as though he's reading, I believe it is sincere. He has defininetely lost more than Rihanna has, which even though I feel domestic violence is NEVER ok, she should have lost as much as he did considering SHE HIT HIM FIRST! First of all, it is never ok for a man to hit a woman. Never, BUT.. Women run with that and hit on these guys because they think he can't do it back. My mama always told me, dont ever put your hands on somebody if you don't wanna get hit back. It was wrong on both their parts, and just because she is a woman it does not make it ok that she hit him! She should have a faced jail time too, because he didn't just hit her for no reason. That's how I feel. I wish ppl would just give Breezy a break and let him do what he loves to do which is music.

Sick : (

2009-07-31T21:28:00.000-07:00

For the past week I have felt terrible! I don't know if its food poisoning, or if i'm about to catch a cold but I feel so bad. Too bad Im afraid of hospitals .. lol. I dont like hospitals, so thats why i havent gone. I had a fever of 103 last night (which went down, thank god), chills (even in the hottest weather), and no appetite & weak. This shit sucks. Hopefully I'll be back on my feet in no time! : ) til then .. no more chinese food for me dude!

Picky, Picky

2009-07-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

For the millionth time, I'm single. Sick of saying it, sick of typing it.. BUT, do I have myself to blame for this or are good men truly just hard to find? Someone once said, i'm single by choice. At the time, I said it was 100% not true. Now I can say it 50% is. I'm not single by choice because I know what I want, and I want what I want.. sometimes I just can't have it, sometimes when I do have it I get hurt b/c believe it or not, even for the BEST woman some guys still don't know how to treat us. I'm too good of a person to be mistreated by anyone, I know that much about myself. The other 50% "is" that I am single by choice because I have choices to choose from, I just don't. There are many reasons why I'm single, one just happens to be that: I'm picky. While I know love in itself is a risk, I've taken risks before and everytime ended up hurt and in the end, ended up with none of them. I'm not bitter towards men or finding love, but if it's just not there for me I don't believe in forcing it. Then I'd be wasting both of our time. I've wasted enough! I know what direction I want to go in life, what I want, and how I plan to get it. I can tell you what I want & where I plan to be in five years, some guys can't think past today.. some females can't either. alot of females can't, and I like to consider myself different than a lot of females my age for a number of reasons, but some guys don't know how to appreciate that or are scared (of being whipped, falling too hard, etc) and it is frustating. I'm picky because I feel like, I'm not looking for random relationships or to date 20 ppl, it truly just wouldn't even feel right to me b/c it's just not me, and on top of that I've had my time wasted enough. Which is why, I guard my heart. It's a tough job to win it, but if you do you're special. One good thing about being picky though, is that I don't lower my standards, I know I deserve to have what it is "I" want so settling for what it is "deep down" I know I don't want is being unfair to myself. I can tell a lot about a person, can tend to even see right through them. Some guys don't tell me nothing I haven't heard before. Yes, I agree with all of them I'm beautiful, I own a mirror so I know this too.. but there are other things beautiful about me too, tell me about that. I may NOT like a person but I will never be rude enough to shut anyone out completely. I give people the opportunity to know me as a person (to an extent)-but one thing about me is, I am very smart. I can read people, I see right through them. My heart isn't a toy so I can't just toss it around. Perhaps picky is what everyone should be.

"Child" Support

2009-07-25T15:26:00.000-07:00

Today's topic is Child Support. R&B star Kelis was just granted $55,000 A MONTH for "child"support (for one child), her ex Nas has to pay her lawyer another $35,000 and he has to pay for all the nurses/doctor expenses. While he can probably afford to do this, I really think it's ridiculous. Some adults can't even make that in a year, what will a newborn need with $55,000 a month. It's crazy to me. A lot of women, not sure if Kelis being that she has her own money, falls into this category or not use "child"support as another way of supporting themselves. I don't agree with that. Now in another case, say, the female and male broke up when the baby is born BUT together or not, he comes to see his child very often, he gives money for the child for whatever the child needs/wants without noone having to ask him, and he's a good PARENT to his child why put him on child support? Child support should be for people that don't do shit, won't do shit, and may not be the active parent for the child then I'd agree. But if you were fortunate enough to have a person where he may have been a bad boyfriend but is a great father to your child and does for his, together or not, no need for the child support. But here's the problem: I'll use my brother's baby mother as an example. While it's clear he definitely cares nothing for her, she claims the same when it's cow shit. It's just obvious she cares a little too much. She always says "I don't like him, dont care if we ever get together but you always have love for the person you have a child with" NOT TRUE! Women should know better than that. Women know that whenever you lay down with someone it's a possibility (condom or no condom) you could end up pregnant, some men just want a nut and can't think that far. Just because his luck was fucked and you ended up pregnant doesn't mean he cares about you or has to be with you! She really irks me with that. And just because two people have a baby together doesn't mean you BELONG together.. Some are just luckier than others, some have life long commitments and genuinely love eachother & have that perfect family which in itself is a blessing.. some are just not that lucky. SOME women tend to think a baby can keep a nigga. One thing about it, you can't keep a nigga that don't wanna be kept and you cant make a man do what he don't want to do. Only a woman with sense would realize that. But then again, some girls just have IQ of a bird.

Are you LIVING or EXISTNG?

2009-07-22T17:24:00.000-07:00

I heard this in one of Tyler Perry's movies and it's def something to think about! It's a question we as a people never stop to ask ourselves, when they are two entirely different things. Are you LIVING, or EXISTING?

HOLLYWEIRD

2009-07-19T12:21:00.000-07:00

So.. I'm looking at a magazine, they have a list of Hollywood's most beautiful women. In it, are some of the women that needs TONS of help to make them look beautiful.. it's insane. There really are beautiful women in Hollywood they don't even get recognized. Yet, all we hear about is Beyonce, Halle Berry, Jessica Alba, Demi Moore, Jennifer Lopez, or Angelina Jolie(she is a bad b*tch though, love Angie lol). They never mention Nia Long, Tia Mowry, Eva Pigford, Sanaa Lathan, Rihanna (she has a different look, & it works), Lauren london, Angela bassett (whos body is off the chain to be so damn old lol), Taraji Henson, Angelina (she makes my list too). We hear about the same damn people. All of the people they typically name are superficial that has had a lot of work done or needs several things to make them this "beautiful woman" hollywood claims them to be. I think there are several NATURALLY beautiful women they always forget about. I actually prefer Nia long over halle berry. I think the hype around her is insane, she IS very pretty.. I give her that, but she is also nothing special either. She's pretty average. I think there are people more deserving of that title!

Why :'(

2009-06-27T23:36:00.000-07:00

Right now I just feel like my heart is torn in a billion pieces. I was in denial when I first heard that a close friend of 8 years died Friday (6/26/09), I didn't want to believe it. I just kept saying "no" and "omg" over and over, I feel so hurt right now. This girl was there for me so many times alot of people werent, she never told anything I told her, she had to be the realest person one could ever meet.. always concerned with others, over herself. It's nothing nobody can say to me to cheer me up, I just know I won't ever be able to talk to my friend again, I won't have her there to motivate me, be there for me, talk to me NOTHING. I don't really have the same beliefs as others when it comes to death and being that I am around death behind the scenes it's nothing of comfort anybody can say to me. I just know a life was cut short, a genuinely good persons life is over now from the SAME thing that my aunt passed from 2 weeks ago. cancer. The second I find strength something new arrises to tear me down. A lot of people call me strong, I would only agree in the case of me being strong enough to avoid going crazy even through all the fucked up things that I have to go through. What hurts so bad, when she was sick she was more worried about me and seeing if I was ok.. when I did ask was she ok she would always put my mind at ease. I thought she was fine..I regret now not calling her every chance I got, I regret being so caught up on BS I didn't even go visit her, I regret so much. We kept in touch ever since the 8th grade and remained close, but for me it's not enough. I wish I could have been there. Now she's gone and the last place I'll get to see her is the same place my Grandpa was when he passed away. Too much.

RIP Nakesha! :'(

Dreams vs. Reality

2009-06-27T21:09:00.000-07:00

I hate to be negative, but I guess I'm just having one of those moments where I'm just looking at the big picture and facing facts. All my life I hoped by 25 I would have my business, be married or engaged, and either be a new or expecting parent. While I DON'T even know what the next day brings, I'm looking at my current situation and it's hard to be hopeful in circumstances such as mine. I haven't had a relationship in 3 years. For the longest I had been saying 2, but I actually just counted and I almost want to cry! Apart of me doesn't want to complain about it b/c I'd rather be single than be hurt (which is very likely w/ these "confused" young males). The other lonesome part of me is sick of being alone, the lonesome part of me misses being kissed, miss being hugged,miss being held, miss having someone I could give all my love to. All I every really wanted was to be loved back (the right way ofcourse). That's ALL. I don't want a perfect guy, just want to be treated right.I have so much love to give but noone worth having it. Every guy I have ever dated has disappointed me in such a way I have no hope that I'll ever have what it is I truly want. My career is the only thing I'm confident I'll have b/c it's in MY control. I work so hard at school, I literally wreck my brain studying, and I try my hardest and I'm determined to do this. I'm too bossy to have to answer to another boss forever. I will work for ME, I'm gonna be my own boss.

The things I am not in control of is having a family & a husband I deserve. If only I could be so lucky to have someone that can be a leader for my family and not stuck in childish ways, someone that gets shit done without me telling him to do it, someone that's spontaneous and doesn't just do nice things on holidays, someone that SHOWS me he loves me (even if he never says it, I want to be able to SEE it), someone who's a protector, loves me unconditionally. Half the guys my age don't even know how to be this kind of man and it's so scary to me. So scary, it's caused me to have no hope of "ever" having my dream life. One of my fears is growing old alone, and never having my own family .. I just hope it's all in my head. I just want an ounce of hope, b/c I don't have any.